Past or Passed

Being the aspiring writer that I am, I have been getting critiqued on my articles.  Comma usage is my number one faux pas.  To remedy this, I am just not going to use them... as much.   Besides they are changing the rules.  When I was in school, walking up hill both ways, we added commas into a sequence of adjectives including one before the "and" of the last one.  For example, "My favorite M&M's are the blue, green, yellow, brown, red, and orange colored ones" should now be, "My favorite M&M's are the blue, green, yellow, brown, red and orange colored ones."  OK, I got it.  I'm an old dog learning new tricks, but how are we supposed to help our grand kids?  Who am I kidding, my grand kids don't ask for my help.  For that matter, neither did my kids.

Now, (comma after introductory phrase) what about past and passed?  Past being a place in time; (yes, a semi colon has replaced a comma here... another new rule) however, time has passed to become the past.  Hm mm.  I drove passed you're house yesterday, in the past.  Spellcheck is of no help with this.  I need a grammar check.  I have never been corrected on my usage of these, so I guess I'm doing alright, or is it all right.  I do this a lot, which apparently has changed from alot (which spellcheck doesn't like). Oh, and a parenthesis... NEVER.  If it needs parentheses, leave it out.  I happen to like them.  Now they are only to be used when making emoticons.  I'll save you the trouble of looking this up... emoticons are smiley faces.  :) Or in the parenthesis' case :(   Incidentally, I did not misspell those words.  The plural form of parenthesis is parentheses.  So when do we ever use just one?  Yep.... emoticons.

Believe it or not, I almost applied for a virtual teaching position to teach English to foreigners.  I decided against it.  While I do strongly feel if you're going to live here you should speak the language, I won't say it's easy to learn.  The only qualification when applying was to know English.  I really don't think I'm qualified.  Besides, wouldn't you think I would have to know there, I mean their native language to, I mean too?  Again, these are not picked up by spellcheck.  I really wish they would consider revising spellcheck.  If only I knew how to create an app!

There and their, to, too and two, personal and personnel, desert and dessert, are easy ones.  Past and passed rank right up there with affect and effect, but that's another day, another post!

What will they be when they grow up?

Future Animal Trainer

During the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, one of our little darlings was struck with a cold/fever and unable to go to school. Welcoming the break of shopping, baking, decorating, and entertaining we gladly took the responsibility of caring for her for the day. Little did we know we would receive valuable information about our sweet Granddaughter #4 and her chosen career path.

While eating lunch the other day we had a conversation about school. The knowledgeable 5-year-old informed us she was going to go to 1st grade, 2nd etc. proudly counting all the way through 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade and then she was going to go to High School. Being the Grandmama and feeling the need once again to explain, I informed her of the nation’s education system. I explained high school IS 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade and after high school you go to college. Enter the career counseling conversation.

"Do I have to go to college?" She asked. My first reaction, and what instinctively came out of my mouth was, “Yes.”

"But what if I don't want to?" Not wanting to discourage her I decided it was the perfect time to have the discussion about what she wanted to be when she grows up. Besides, I needed some writing material.

She told us she wants to be an animal trainer.  Hmmmm. "What kind of animals?" We asked.

"All kinds. You know, dogs, cats, birds."  "Alright," I replied, "Then you will probably have to go to college to learn how to do that."

Fearing he might have to look at one, it was Pops that asked her about training a snake. "I can train a snake." She said with confidence. And here’s how it goes...

"Just what would you train a snake to do?" asked curious Grandmama.

"I would train it to stay away from me!!" she replied with the same confidence as usual.

Yep, I wonder at which college she will teach!

So, here’s hoping you enjoyed this story as much as we did and had a nice little break from your Christmas activities. May you all have a delightfully Merry Christmas along with a very Happy and Prosperous New Year!!

Got Milk? How to milk a cow quoted from a 5-year-old girl.

While driving through the country with our 5-year-old granddaughter, we passed a field of cows.  After Pops “I spied” something black and white and she guessed, “cow”, she started to “Mooooo”, it was all cute and we laughed.  Then, somehow, the mood turned serious. 

“I know how to milk a cow!” she exclaimed and she launched into her oral instruction manual.  “First, you get an unfilled bucket” she specifically began.  Pops interrupted, “Don’t you need a 3 legged stool?”

“No.”  Plain and simple and she wasn’t ready to go there yet.  “Then you walk around to the cow’s butt” she continued, still very serious.  “You find the cow’s ‘boobies’ and then you squeeze them,” she said a little tickled with this one.  Thank goodness she chuckled, it gave us a breather to let out a laugh too. 

“But don’t you need a 3 legged stool to sit on?” asked Pops again, determined to get this stool into the story.

“No, you just kind of squat there or you can lay on your stomach!”  Okay, she was an expert and was thinking of everything.  We weren’t finished yet.  I believe this is where something came up about a boy or girl cow.  Pops informed us there are only girl cows.  Really?  Because boy cows are called ‘bulls’.  Learned something new again today.  Then I thought about going into how cows eat the grass, it goes through multiple stomachs, they chew their cud, and the milk really should be pasteurized before drinking, etc. etc. but she was telling the story so we let it go at that.

“When you squeeze the ‘boobies’ the milk goes into the unfilled bucket” and you guess it…. “Until it’s full!”  Continuing on with her knowledgeable, skillful, method she educated us on just where milk comes from.  “Then you pour it into those little milk cartons, like we get at school, and close them up!”  End of story, back to “I Spy”.

So, the next time you’re drinking milk, think of an adorable, little 5 year old girl squatting down (or lying on her stomach) by a cow’s butt, squeezing milk out of her ‘boobies’ into an unfilled bucket!  It’ll make you chuckle.